Gathering Together
Last week I marked my 4 year migrainaversary, or four years without a pain free day. Over the last couple of months, as the anniversary has approached, I’ve had more severe pain, nausea, and brain fog. Seeing another year of symptoms pass by, I felt anger at the unfairness, grief about the difficulty of this experience, and irritability from managing the unrelenting symptoms recently. I also felt irritated at myself for being so weighed down by heavy emotions for weeks.
At a random moment while folding laundry last week I wondered if I might feel more ease if I simply made space for my anger and grief. So, as one does, I decided to throw a party (a party alone, in the dark, quiet, and with only saltine crackers – sorry, migraine joke). I organized a gathering on Zoom to honor this long journey with chronic illness.
We are social animals, wired for connection, and we are meant to be accompanied in our grief. The gathering of community in mourning rituals at death is evidence of this. Chronic illness is a type of death, of the life I used to have, the life I thought I would have, the activities I used to enjoy.
Sometimes our feelings require a body a larger than ours alone to process – a collective body.
In western US culture, it is rare that we come together to honor experiences that are difficult, on-going, and unresolved. The work of allowing our painful emotions is often solitary.
At my party, we cried, laughed, and shared stories, and I recorded the speeches so I can listen later on my hard days. Being with people and allowing my anger and grief was fortifying. I also felt a huge burst of joy and gratitude for supportive and loving community in the midst of illness.
One of my greatest joys this year has been creating a community for others. If you are interested in doing deeper Somatic work with me,
