Chronic Illness, Chronic Grief
Recently, after getting through a rough time with Covid, I began experiencing post-covid fatigue, nausea, and brain fog that required me to limit my activities, minimize social hangouts, and reduce my already part time coaching practice. As the weeks added up without a change, I felt overwhelmed, afraid, and disoriented. Grief showed up through many behaviors, sensations, and thoughts, traversing the stages of grief described by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross:
Pushing through the nausea with long walks and crashing from exhaustion (denial)
Snapping at loved ones and feeling wronged by covid (anger)
“If I hadn’t traveled and gotten covid, this never would’ve happened” (bargaining)
“What value will my life have if I’m in bed and can’t work?” (depression)
Finally, I realized I felt sorrow about the loss of connection, fun, ease, and my generally sunny disposition (despite already living with another chronic illness) – essentially, the loss of myself and my life. I allowed myself to cry and acknowledge all the suffering of this experience.
Chronic illness leads to significant losses – of physical capacity, dreams about the future, career, connection to activities and relationships, hope and possibility, stability in finance and housing, etc - and therefore, chronic grief. Illness reminds us of our mortality, which, as demonstrated by the meme, is difficult.
“Welcoming our sorrow eases the hardened places within us, allowing them to open and freeing us to once more feel our kinship with the living presence around us. A congested heart, one burdened with unexpressed sorrow, cannot stay open to the world, and consequently, cannot be fully available for the healing work so needed…Every one of us must undertake an apprenticeship with sorrow.
-Frances Weller
Welcoming sorrow, tears, and heartbreak can reconnect us to vitality and aliveness within and around us. This process does not right the unfair losses inherent in illness but instead allows the possibility of kinship and an open heart in the current terrain. My coaching practice and groups focused on chronic illness include this apprenticeship with sorrow through grief-focused work. Check out my upcoming offerings:
I currently have one opening in my one-on-one coaching practice, and I specialize in working with queer and trans folks and people with chronic illness. I'm also offering this group:
Somatic Transformation Group for People Experiencing Chronic Illness and/or Pain
Wednesdays, May 31-Aug 16, 5-6:30pm PT
Weekly 10 session group covers topics including our relationship with the body, moving from isolation to connection, finding aliveness in midst of illness, grief, reacting vs skillful response, resilience, and compassion.
To sign up or get more information about my groups or coaching, book a free consult with me today.
