The Indignities of Illness

Many people with chronic illness or pain feel ashamed about their reduced capacity for functioning.

A few years ago, during an online meeting with a colleague, I suddenly needed to throw up. While I’ve called in sick on short notice in the past, only since becoming chronically ill have I experienced the rapid, two minute shift from feeling okay to need-to-throw-up-now. My colleague conveniently paused the meeting to step away briefly, and I tried to throw up in my jar of tea while they were off screen so I could continue the meeting. 🤦‍♂️ I realize how absurd this sounds now but at the time, I froze and panicked. The colleague returned, and I politely ended the meeting to race to the bathroom.

In another instance, I took a migraine medication that had severe side effects including brain fog and difficulty finding words. My mind often felt like empty space, and in a professional meeting, I forgot my own name. A colleague looked horrified and introduced me, later telling me sympathetically, “Kristina, you are too sick to be working.”

I regularly felt undignified and embarrassed by both the shocking loss of capacity and my “just carry on” response. It’s scary and disorienting to lose control of basic functioning, especially publicly. I felt broken and ashamed and hid these experiences.

I’ve heard many stories like this from others. Talking about these experiences with chronically ill folks helped me feel less alone and even laugh at my mishaps. Shame festers in isolation, so we need space to bring these agonizing, embarrassing, and scary experiences into the light.

Today I know in my core that people with chronic illness/pain are whole and have worth and dignity just as we are, so I offer a group space for folks to find community, be heard and understood, and break isolation and shame. And also to have joy, because we need more of that too!

To learn more about my groups or coaching, book a free consult with me today.